this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
