I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
