What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
