I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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