the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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