Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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