i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
