I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
