my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
