she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
