4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Randomize
