Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize