im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
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I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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