Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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