Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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