I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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