My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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