I heard we made out
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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