we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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