hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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