10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
