YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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