You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
