she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I need a burrito and a hug.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
