Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
