They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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