i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
