my vag is so smooth its legendary
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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