I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
