i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
