I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
being pregnant is like rehab
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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