the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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