people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
