therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
