shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
