I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
