I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm at about main and main street
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
