you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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