So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
