is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
