i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
His nipple licking is glorious
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