If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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