when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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