I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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