Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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