i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.