It was confusing and full of hummus
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.