Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
