I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
