...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My life is pants optional.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
