dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
