So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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