So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
