Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
