I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
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Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
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I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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