do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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