I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
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ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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