you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
