Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The air taste purple.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
