Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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