JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Welp...herpes.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
