Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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