My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
