i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
