Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
